Dear General Kelly – Immigration Is Another Thing You Know Nothing About

You know, sir, if you “get up off your ass” and return my calls I could spare all my friends these missives.

Just a thought.

I recognize that you are an expert in your field – combined arms combat in four dimensions (outstanding, in fact, like a farmer in a field*). But, respectfully, what you know about immigration policy can be summarized in one word. In the vernacular it’s a nickname for a man named Richard … as well as other, ruder things. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

So, in order to help guide you away from sounding like a man named Richard, as you did today, let me provide a hip-pocket brief on some basics. Whip out your candidate camp stool – you still have yours, right? – your grease pencil and your laminated notebook: this will save your life one day.

1) Deferred Action for Childhood Arrival – aka “DACA” – was an administrative policy enacted by the Department of Homeland security (your last gig, you should be familiar with it) in 2012 that prioritized immigration enforcement against “bad hombres” (like the MS-13 with which your boss is currently obsessed) instead of people who were being productive members of society.

2) DACA has never been ruled “unconstitutional”. The one challenge brought before your boss took power was tossed by a Federal court for “lack of standing”. After that everything ground to a halt while we all waited for a new Administration to weigh in. Which you have, so there’s that.

3) Fun fact: Fox and Friends, Maria Bartilomo, Sean Hannity – none of those people are actually qualified to declare anything “unconstitutional”. I’m sure you have on you that pocket copy of the Constitution the NRA sends out with every pledge drive – should be in your left breast pocket, by regs. Refer to that if you require a refresher on the three branches of government.

You’ll note neither “lickspittle TV network” nor “talk radio” is mentioned in there. (Not in mine, anyway, but mine’s the 2000 edition).

I’ll wait while you confirm that.

Who knew, right? It’s OK – they don’t teach that sh*t in General school.

4) I can think of at least two valid reasons why people eligible for DACA would not “get up off their asses” and apply. (Hint: not laziness, as you seem to suspect). First, the application fee is $500. Crazy as it sounds, even some white, male, native-born veterans have trouble coming up with that kind of cash on the fly.

Second, and more to the point, signing up for DACA means depending on the faith of the government while voluntarily wearing a big, fat target. Ya know, like the chemistry professor in Larryville, KS your boys handcuffed in front of his kids when he was taking them to school this week. (…/ct-chemistry-professor-ice-…)

“Tell us where you live and we won’t deport you” may have worked in the previous Administration (except it didn’t – you *do* know the Obama Administration deported people at historic levels, right? If not …. TURN OFF THE F*KING AM RADIO.)


There’s no one alive – besides those who watch Fox and Friends for “fair and balanced” news – who thinks that will work now.

(As an aside, the NRA is wrong about who the “jackbooted thugs from the government” are – but you can take that up with me when you finally do call).

As my instructors (and yours, I’m sure – hell, I’m sure you said it yourself during your time at TBS): “Good advice, Marine. Laminate it, take it to the field – it’ll save your life one day.”



* Heh. OCS humor. Guess you had to be there …

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